(November 13, 2011)
I don't know if you remember me telling you about the beautiful civil engineer that I always see in the CAEDM, but I did share that with you. I have a grand and surprisingly long story to tell you on that front, so be excited.
So, as of, oh, two weeks ago, he'd spoken to me a few times in passing, once to tell me how much he liked my hat (I have a very nice quasi-hipster hat, it's awesome), and once to ask a question while I was TAing, because my TA class covers software that civil engineers use as well. When he asked that question, he did this peculiar fumble with a paper he was holding. Accuse me of mountain-making from molehills, but I KNOW the awkward "I'm talking to a person I find attractive" fumble and I swear to you....that was it. I was intrigued. Hopefully, deviously intrigued. I grew more intrigued as I caught him looking at me on a regular basis. This boy thought I was at least slightly good looking. Of that I was certain.
[Brief side note, just so that you understand - my TA class forces me to hold office hours in the CAEDM two hours a day, Monday through Thursday, and he's always there during those hours {doing his own homework}, so this really was something I was able to observe quite regularly indeed.]
Since he was so good looking himself, I began to be annoyed that he wouldn't just come talk to me more often. And I began to plot.
Mwahaha. K, not really. But that just sounds so hilariously, mustache-twirlingly awesome that I don't think I'm going to edit it out.
Said plotting really only involved me getting on facebook and finding him, from the name he gave me, and subsequently looking at our list of mutual friends. I found a promising link - the very same guy friend who set me up on that blind date throwdown, in which I was obnoxiously full of vituperatives. I texted this guy friend:
Kristen: Hey, do you know a kid named trace farmer?
Jason: I do. Why?
Kristen: Ha mock me: he's an engineer, I see him in the caedm, we've talked a couple times, and I'm trying to find yet another excuse to talk to him, he's beautiful :) How do you know him?
Jason: He and I are good friends from the mission. I even have his number ;)
Kristen: Dude. You know what you should do?
Jason: Do tell.
Kristen: here is what you should do, and I'm open to revisions and suggestions: text him and ask if he's met a chemical engineer named kristen. It will probably help if you mention that I'm a TA. Really, the idea here is just to give him an excuse to come talk to me :)
Jason: How did you know we were friends? And I just sent him a text to build a rapport
Kristen: Uh...Er...Some harmless facebook stalking may have been involved...
Jason: Haha. I'll let you know when he gets back to me :) Would you like another triple date?
Kristen: Hahahaha if it comes to that! Jason, I'm going to owe you an insane wedding present if this works out
Jason: Haha. So what's your game plan eh?
Kristen: The idea is that the fact that I know you will get him to come chat with me, and then...it will just work out. Ha because I swear he has some level of interest. I don't know. Shots in the dark :P
Jason: Well, he said he'd recognize you. But doesn't know your name. What should I tell him?!?!?!?!
Kristen: I dunno, say blonde girl with long hair, kinda loud and sarcastic. Oo! say that I mentioned he asked me a question, funny because we're not in the same major
Jason (almost a full, agonizing, half hour later): :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Kristen: Don't give me that cryptic load of smileys!!!! Words!!! Use your words!!!
Jason: I know something you don't :) :)
Kristen: This is mean. Very. But I will accept it as long as you're smiling :P
Jason: It's good, don't worry :)
My plan worked very well for me, as this boy proceeded to come ask me if I knew Jason the very next day. He's talked to me every day since in the CAEDM, and when we sat next to each other on Thursday, he got my number :) I was especially giddy after I coerced Jason into telling me what actually passed between him and Trace, and Jason caved and let me see the texts. Trace said something about how I was not only really intelligent, I "had it going on". Hahaha.
The problem, however, is that we hung out Friday night....and it was weird. Very weird. He marketed it as a hangout, and I was expecting it to be such and was quite fine with it....But we went to the BYU hockey game, for which he picked me up all by himself, got all my doors, and paid for me. Which was awesome, of course, but as the evening progressed I began to wonder if the only reason he paid for me was that I simply did not reach for my wallet fast enough.
Because we spent the night with both his roommates and these girls from his ward, and these girls..... It was perplexing, Christian. I'm not a jealous person. I never get jealous. But they were flirting with him, one VERY much so flirting with him, all night long. And we spent most of the night with them. He wasn't really flirting back, but I'd be lying if I said it made me happy. Mostly because I was completely thrown off my game. I was not remotely charming. Not at all. I was not my usual witty, bantering, obnoxious self, because I did not know how to deal with these girls, one of whom seemed to be interested in him. For the short periods of the night that we weren't around them, it was great and I was almost up to par, but it was so terribly off-putting to have to fight for attention.
Perhaps I'm just displeased because I don't usually have to do that.
It was perhaps worse because I realized that I felt genuine animosity towards this one girl in particular. The little voice in my head was all, "Oh, my, stop insisting that you sit by him. Don't touch his face like that. Stop playfully shoving him like that." I'm sure she was a very lovely sort of girl and I felt terrible for feeling less than warm and fuzzy towards her simply because she happened to agree that the boy I was with was terribly good looking and that she enjoyed flirting. It was dreadful. Christian. I DO NOT FEEL ANIMOSITY. IT IS NOT IN MY VOCABULARY. THIS WAS NOT OK.
Really, I'm distressed because I was very, very certain of his interest in me prior to the hanging out, and feeling much less certain and much less giddy now. This is how it stands: I know he thinks I'm attractive. I'm sure he thinks I'm a pleasant enough person, and all of that, but I don't know that it's enough for me to win. You know what I mean when I say win, right? Win over any other girls vying for his attention, win over the innumerable lovely, intelligent, funny girls wandering around his life.
I just hate failing at providing the best possible company.
And I DESPISE fighting for attention. It's stressful.
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