Conflicting Thoughts and Feelings

(April 18, 2011)
Yes, it is in fact dreadful that this guy hasn't read Harry Potter. Actually, while I was most entertained about the whole "siblings make you compete for Mom and Dad's affection," there's some truth to it. I don't know that I agree exactly that there's really a competition for affection so much as it just honestly changes your perspective to have siblings. I think it does reduce selfishness, because you have built-in sharing necessities. Also, I would pretty much never date and certainly never ever marry an only child. Laying aside the fact the massive amount of potential anecdotes and commonalities that just go out the window when someone didn't grow up with two or three other people, it's weird. I don't get only children, generally. I just don't.
Thank you for telling me I'll do fine in school :) I'm terrified. I take my first final tomorrow. D&C. Joy to the world. It should be ok, but I'll have to see. Multivariable is a lost cause, though - I have to tell you that I spent a good two hours on Thursday morning just staring at my take-home final and crying because I couldn't do any of it. Well, I can kind of do bits and pieces of it, and some of them I have the general idea, but mostly... no.
That's just....it just is what it is. I hate that teacher. I feel that if you're going to give students work that makes them want to kill themselves, it should be your homework, and not your tests. I'm so on board with that. But this man taught us the bare minimum recipe steps to get our (generally pretty easy) homework done and then he sucker punches us with these theoretical tests riddled with proofs, which we've never done in class or on the homework.

On to things I'm just going to share with you :)
I still want Stephen. I stole my Dad's twelve-string guitar and I've been playing it, and I went over to steal a capo from him and mentioned that I had this lovely lovely guitar, and he came over and played it with me, and we sang some songs together. He's so annoying with his continued attractiveness combined with the lack of number exchange or apparent significant interest in me or anything. But yes, I played some songs for him and he came over and moved my fingers around a little on the chords (in a decidedly friendly, rather than outrightly flirtatious way) and I still swooned. Damn him.

Went to Matt Palmer's homecoming today. I'm so happy I had Jackie with me (who has returned from her internship in Florida, and she's totally going to divert male attention from me in a big way, but oh well :P) to maintain some vestige of my normal, funny, outgoing college self. I rather dislike being around large groups of high school people. You KNOW I do. It turns me back into me in high school. Me in college is infinitely preferable. Mostly because me in college doesn't have to combat stigma regarding what people expect me to be like :P The thing was, Matt's actual talk and everything was really awesome. Also really awesome: sitting there and honestly being sure that he's awesome and not what I want anymore. I'm just not that girl anymore. Didn't mean that I acted in accordance with my new girl status when I avoided saying hi to him after (haha....ha....ha....yeah.....) but still, closure. Yes. Fina-freakin-lly.

What else.....
I do play some passable guitar now. And by passable, I mean poorly mediocre, but still. It's really, really fun. I feel all accomplished and such.

Jeez, the things I do for boys. I started songwriting because of Matt, did you know that? and now I'm starting to learn the guitar in earnest because of Stephen. Ah.