Randy

You are a great story, you know that?  I rarely resist the temptation to tell people the entire sordid (not remotely sordid) tale from start to finish; meeting you, dating you, and then enjoying, as I still am, your continued radio silence.  That “great” holds no twinge of sarcasm, either; our minute history is funny, unusual, and a marvelous addition to my not-unimpressive quiver of romantic entanglements.

Things I wish to say.  Well, first, you’re under the impression that I was at best more into it than you were, and at worst, doodling your name and mine in little hearts on every available surface.  Haha. The latter has never been quite my style, I’m afraid, but the former is unfortunately accurate.  I would like to state for the defense, however, that my reaction and responses to you are considerably more unique in my history than you may realize.  I feel a childish petulance considering it even now.  Dude, I’m usually the cool girl.  I swear it.  I’m the one waving in the rear view mirror, having moved on without having first informed the guy reflected in it.  I break, and am not broken with, generally speaking. 

As I said, though, you are correct, I did possess the balance of liking.  To an extent, I appreciate your willingness to remove yourself from the equation once that became clear.  I know it must have been unnerving to have me texting you first.  Do me a favor, though, and take note of the following.   I was informed by a truly exceptional source that you needed a bit more push than the average guy.  The defense calls your attention to the fact that in direct answer to this quandary, the defendant was initiating text conversations no more than twice a week, conversations abandoned by the defendant after five to ten texts.  I fully understand that you weren’t into me, and that any level of effort beyond yours was therefore disconcerting.  The defense, however, demands of the jury to decide for themselves whether such actions can accurately be described as being particularly overwhelming or ill-advised. 

Further, it would make me feel better to make a point of the fact that I allowed your departure with no protest.  I understood it – even though it kind of sucked – and I did not follow you with texts or calls or visits demanding explanations or vindication or similar nonsense.  We made out that last time, your assertion that we see where things go ringing falsely in my ears, and following it to this very day, there has been no contact on either side.

I’d like to establish that I do understand, for the record.  I know why you left, and I’d have done the same.  However, I have notes on your departure.  When you are told in no uncertain terms that someone is interested, and you verbally indicate reciprocation, you do yourself and the lady in question a service to explain deviations from this status quo before ending contact.  Your approach, by contrast, was just kind of cowardly, man.  I can’t help feeling like you were simply afraid to be there when I found out that you didn’t like me.  Hey, in point of fact, I’m a tough kid.  I can handle it, and so can any future lady with whom you have similar confounding situations. I deserved at least a text informing me of your disinterest.  Your deafening silence does your legitimately good character no credit. 

Finally, I find myself wanting to defend the extent of my interest, an arguable nucleus for all of these thoughts.  I want you to understand that you are different.  Unfortunately, not in your exit, nor in the fact that our kisses were both early and casual.  You stand alone in your immediate and genuine appeal to me.  I crush hard on boys with abandon and without apparent discretion, but I like them for fairly inane reasons.  This one is hot, that one a musician, that one is funny, that one loves Neil Gaiman, that one rocks some deeply excellent style, that one is hot, etc.   You, however. You grabbed me with the person you were: levelheaded, legitimately compassionate, brilliantly intelligent, opinionated, but not insufferable.  I’ve been known to find these traits and fall in love with them many times over in the people of my life, but only after years of friendship. Never had someone shown me such undeniable evidence of being such a wonderful person so soon.  And I’ll be honest, I have often been guilty of missing the bad in people, but I have yet to be wrong about the good.  You discredit your good by extricating yourself in so depressingly high school a fashion, even from a dalliance as insignificant (and I do know that it was insignificant) as yours and mine was. 

I’m happy I got to know you, and I like to think that your behavior in these circumstances was as singular in your life as mine was for me – that your departure was a fluke, and not the rule in your relationships.  I know that you’re a wonderful person, and you have an absurdly bright future ahead.  Please go live it marvelously.