(February 19,2012)
My life is incredibly lovely. Just for the record. It's going to suck tomorrow, when I do pretty much all the homework for this weekend that I've put off (it's Presidents' Day, information which I'm fairly certain needs to be brought to your attention, as you forgot about Valentine's Day) and I have a Tau Beta Pi report due Tuesday. Haha. Oh, crap, and I need to call Provo power and get our bill transferred to my name.
Procrastination is my enemy. I don't know how many times I will have to tell myself that before I will listen all of the time.
Last of all, reading your analysis of the facebook comments made me realize, for the first time, that you might come back and find me really, really different. I know I've been changing, and I know you read a butt-load of my thoughts every single week, and I have no doubt that you've noticed at least some minute differences, but I realized that there's a lot of my personal interaction quirks that have changed that have no way of making their way to you over in Norway :) I think that you still know me well enough that you're right on most counts - notably, that I kind of subconsciously expect most guys to only be attracted to me, if they want me at all. But I think I'm a lot cockier about my attractiveness than I was when you left. No, I'm like, 99.9% sure I'm much cockier about boys wanting me than I used to be. Which I've mentioned, of course, but I don't know that you'll ever really get to see the effects of that. I kind of just realized this because you disagreed with the "everyone at the table" comment, which, hilariously enough, is the statement I considered closest to the truth.
I'm about to briefly showcase that arrogance, so you can sort of see what I mean. See, Christian, in college, I've discovered that if I'm the only girl with a group of guys, I can, with very little effort, control the conversation. I can talk to, and quite frankly, flirt with an entire room at a time, if they're receptive. I'm not saying that they all go home totally in love. I'm not even saying that at any point all, most, half, or even any of them will be genuinely interested. But I can give everyone just enough floor time and just enough direct attention that it's kind of like having seven different conversations at once, and it's fascinating. And I enjoy it to a somewhat disgusting extent. To be fair, if there's any other girls present, particularly outgoing and better looking ones than me (not difficult in Provo [actually, that describes almost all of my friends anywhere at any given time]), they have no difficulty upstaging me and I cheerfully cede that right to them. I almost never pull focus with groups of girls, and I'm really okay with that. I just enjoy the attention when it's me and guys :)
It will be interesting to see what you think in general when you return. Although that particular thing is something you'll probably never witness, as it requires a group of boys we didn't go to high school with, and I can't see us in a situation involving a room filled with boys that don't fit into that designation.
Alright, now, I should close, but I really want to tell you about this week. I was weird this week. Like easily bothered. And a kid called me a bitch. Be excited for the stories.
I was talking to this kid that I barely know on facebook chat. He's told me before that he thinks that girls should give ALL guys at least three dates. Seriously. Regardless of whether or not she's attracted to him, regardless of anything at all she feels about him - three dates. Which is a little crazy, but whatever, I suppose, until I was talking to him the other night. He begins to whinge about the fact that he, and I quote, "can't get any play." He proceeds to say that girls ignore him and shut him down constantly. I mildly suggest that sometimes, the culprit for that can be asking out girls of just one type, and perhaps he should consider branching out.
"Oh, if you're suggesting that I ask out girls that I don't find attractive, that is not happening."
Yeah.
So I might have spewed some nasty vitriol for all I was worth over facebook chat.
Because that's among the most repugnant of double standards that I've ever had the misfortune of hearing. It got better when he said that President Packer said you should date a girl who's attractive over one who's spiritual, because the latter has the possibility of improvement, and the former does not. It got better still when he whipped out a chip the size of Everest on his shoulder about how he's the greatest, smartest, most athletic, most musically talented guy in the whole world, and that he works so much harder on being a good person than any guy ever has, so obviously girls should want him.
It was about when I told him that he could change all he wanted, but if he didn't change his paradigm, he wouldn't get any girls, that he started getting really angry.
I might have called him an asshole. So it wasn't totally unwarranted. But I will never appreciate being called a bitch.
I think the last time that happened was in ninth grade, when I called Tanner Hanks a perv for trying to get me to send him a picture of me in a bikini. That was his retort.
I really don't know what came over me. I apologized profusely to this kid the next day, saying that I didn't know him and that I shouldn't have come down on him so hard, and he accepted, but I feel kind of hideous that I still stand by my feelings - that kid is going to continue to fail in dating if he continues to do it that way.
Ha. So, basically, I was a really bad person this week and felt like crap about that. I also might have been rather unnecessarily snappy to Spencer when he called me a skank (jokingly, but I didn't read it that way).
It was good, because a lot of the time, I think of "treating others kindly and as I would like to be treated or better" as one of those areas that can be left alone in favor of other, more significant personality flaws, but this was a somewhat unpleasant reminder that I'm perfect in no direction :P Hahaha oh, and I don't remember the last time I legitimately lost my temper with someone.
So that was just great.
P.S. I gave a musical number in my parents' ward today, and people were really really nice about it. I just played a Chopin nocturne, but it made me incredibly happy. That is all.
No comments:
Post a Comment