August 5, 2012

Forgive me for mentioning your life and my lazy summer in the same breath.  I should have thought more that it would sound like I was saying you're not doing anything.  I realize that life is stressful, but enjoy stuff that isn't school stress while you can.  Maybe it's just me who glories in having things that aren't papers and tests and homework to worry about.  It seems like everything else matters less that school.  Obviously, the church is a different story.  But even so, the gospel seems so much harder to mess up in a gigantic way than does school.  Can I explain that?  Nah, not really, it's late and I'd undoubtedly do an abysmal job.

Thinking I'm funny may legitimately kill me one day.  It would have already if my self-entertainment extended to feats of physical comedy.  

Being in Maryland has been lovely.  My nephew is so freaking cute, man.  It's ridiculous.  He talks so much.  He's only two, but he always speaks in full, very articulate sentences.  He's going to be a freaking smart kid, and he's already a crazy smart toddler.  Haha he loves people so much, too.  Samples of our conversations:

Brecken:  I like your blue eyes!

Kristen:  I like your brown eyes!

Brecken: Hahahaha I like my brown eyes, too.  

Brecken:  Ha Ha Ha Kristen, you're funny!!

Brecken (seriously, not making this up): Kristen, look at the excavators digging in the fields!

Brecken:  Oh, I like this book, it's interesting!  

He's hilarious.  And adorable.  And freaking does not listen to me at all, because is well aware that I have no jurisdiction whatsoever.  But still.  Love him.  He likes it when I read things to him, and make up more voices than I knew I was capable of for all of his stuffed animals.  

My niece is also adorable.  She's just sweet and happy.  She's Nate's daughter (Brecken belongs to Dustin, whose wife, Carrie, is pregnant with a little girl) and I'm at Nate's tonight, having spent most of the week with Dustin and Carrie.  I get to see Nate's lab at Hopkins tomorrow and I'm sooooo excited.  

July 16, 2012

I just read an article on the history of mooning, and reflected that this is one of many reasons I'm happy to live in the information age - even stupid and yet strangely fascinating information such as that, at my fingertips.  Lovely.  

 Apparently, Chris really didn't know if we were officially broken up or not, and so just waited a few days to see if I'd text him, and when I didn't, concluded that we had, in fact, broken up.

My friend Heather was dating a guy for about six months, they broke up in January.  A week later, he started dating a girl who'd broken off an engagement herself in the past week. Then they got engaged a month later.  
These things work for some people, they really do.  I still find it fascinating that this got to happen, though, because if any of the above were key points in one of my relationships, my mom would lock me up and declare that I was not leaving until I agreed with her that I was acting crazeh.  

As for other things.  Haha, I got back together with and broke up with Chris this week.  And had some really good support for my rule about not talking to exes for a while after you break up :P  

To the recounting of tales!
(Don't ask where that came from, I really have no idea and it's weird.)

We missed each other, started texting on Monday, and I finally just threw caution to the winds and told him that I wanted to see him.  So we saw each other, hooked up again, and (kind of hilariously) as he was leaving that night, I grabbed him by the face and said, "Hey, you know that there's every possibility that I will wake up tomorrow and think that this was the worst idea ever, yes?  And there's just as legitimate a possibility that I will want us to get back together?"  
Chris: "I know.  But you're smart, you're rational, and you make good decisions.  I trusted your choice to break up, your decision to do this today, and wherever you decide to go from here, I trust your judgment.  I really do."  
Obviously, I felt like we should maybe give this another try.The second I told him, I had this immediate, very calm feeling that that was not a good decision.  
Haha to which I was like, "Er....but....I'll revisit that again, if this sticks around for a little."
It did, as a matter of fact, I just kept feeling really strongly  that it was not a good idea.

So I knew what I had to do, and really, really didn't want to - this back-to-Chris experience really only let me know more how much good there was in that relationship.  And subsequently remind me that I had to chuck it.  Things that suck...
 
But bahaha, please enjoy the tale of the world's weirdest break up with me.  

I told him exactly how I felt, and he said again that he trusted my judgment, even in this case.  

We then spent the next three hours on my couch joking and being stupid and telling each other all the things we'd appreciated about the relationship and each other and how happy we were that we had that experience.  Extolled each others virtues at length and in great detail, and told each other what we'd miss about each other.  We told all of our lame inside jokes and talked about how we can't hook up and how I won't be texting him for a while, to prevent this happening again.  He made me promise not to hook up with stupid guys anymore, to which I responded that I couldn't even really see the appeal anymore.  

All of this was interspersed with comments on how this is absolutely the weirdest breakup that anyone ever had.  

July 9, 2012

 Legally Blonde is on in my hotel room.  She gets a flipping 179 on her LSAT.....that's kind of ridiculous.  Extremely.

Anyhow.  So you're old.  Hope you celebrated that acceptably.  I probably ate enough cake for both of us - I went to a wedding for a second cousin tonight near Valencia, California, and I'm there for another twenty-four hours.  This has been such a very strange week, I've been with some form of second cousin all week, and eating like three or four times the amount of food I should be.  Dang, I really have to be crazy good when I get home.  And go back to work....Boo...

More on my ridiculously great week later. 

Oh, gosh, and legally blonde is ridiculously distracting.  Good heavens, this is taking me forever.  

Continuing.  

Interesting.  I feel like I occasionally have serious disconnect from my emotions.  Kind of because I don't really remember the last time I felt desperately sad or completely, impossibly angry. As in, those were years ago.  I get twenty-four-hour displeasure or mild stress for a week or two, but I always know that things are going to work out, and therefore have trouble getting seriously depressed about things.  As for angry...I just don't really have an explanation for why I don't get pissed off to the same extent I used to be capable of.  Annoyance still happens, sometimes to an extent that worries me, but...dang, I used to be all mildly crazy and FEISTY, and I really can't explain what happened to that.

Ha, oh, as for Chris, the pretty much entire transcript of our actual breakup:

Kristen - We need to break up.

Chris [Levelly] - Okay.

Long pause, hug

Kristen, from somewhere around Chris's armpit - I want to say something kind of cliche.

Chris - Ha, hit me with it. 

Kristen - I'm sorry this is my fault.  

Chris - No, it's really not.  Good night.  

Kristen - Good night.

Did I mention that as I walked to the door, I had to ask myself if I thought Chris really understood that we had broken up?  Because that conversation was so fast and so simple that I couldn't be sure.  

On to my life, we had a family reunion this week, and I finally got to see my niece.  Oh, my niece.  Five months old, and she has eyes that look like Nate's and a good deal like mine when I was a baby and gigantic cheeks.  You know, as a child, I never understood that incredibly weird relative thing where they pinch your cheeks....I'm going to be that crazy aunt.  So worth it.  Oh, my, there is nothing like having a baby fall asleep on you.  I'd get her after loads of people had held her and she'd just put her head on my shoulder and crash.  Five seconds flat.  McKinley is the sweetest, happiest baby, and she smiles a ton, and I die over how cute she is and seriously, no one has cuter nieces and nephews than I do.  No one.  

My siblings and I all went out on the boat as well.  Oh, glory.  I suck at wakeboarding, have we canvassed this?  Dan was a wakeboard instructor, so he's actually been successful at getting me upright, but I do not stay that way.  Ever.  Embarrassing.  It was so much fun to be with my family, though.  Oh my, and my cousins....Bahahaha.  We play some freaking INVOLVED games of mafia.  Like each round is fifteen minutes of discussion, minimum, and most of us were over eighteen and very skilled at the game.  We played a few times with rounds of discussion on who people should vote to execute that lasted for forty-five minutes, an hour, and I cannot even tell you the amazing out loud psychoanalysis everyone was doing.  

We also play lots of scum.  I was king for several rounds.  Please hold your applause until I get to hear it in person.  

Let's see, what else, what else.....My life is lovely.  I don't want to go back to work on Tuesday.

Belated, but still present

(June 25, 2012)
So I'm slow.  Also kind of shameless in that I'm taking ten or so minutes at work to write this. 

Also, quite pleased that other people are making use of pfft.  It's a very helpful onomatopoeia. 

Will you tell me the story of the mission president trying to get his wife to marry him, please? That sounds entertaining.  

Haha you know, it would be crappy not to sleep in again...but only if you're keeping insanely late hours.  I've been following curfew at BYU for pretty much the first time in my life, and I've got to say that as a result, I really don't care about getting up the same time every day. K, it's only eight, but I still feel like that qualifies as not sleeping in.  You may disagree, forced, as you are, to get up at 6:30 AM on a daily basis (an hour I haven't seen more than once a month [if that] since high school).  But still.  Eight AM all summer long is fairly good, wouldn't you say?


Thank you for giving me the opportunity to report that by some untold miracle, I got an A- in Biochem and a freaking A in UO lab.  Seriously, I was terrified this semester that I was going to pull lower grades than I've ever seen in my entire life, and instead, my GPA will be going up.  Not a ton, mind you, but still.  Hahahaha. 

Hey, and in my defense, I liked high school and the people in it, as well.  I realize why you think I didn't, since you've received a few whinging emails on the subject of "blah, blah, blah, I can't hang out with high school people because I'm pathetic," but really, it's just that I've become even happier now.  And I was seriously extremely happy for most of high school; it was awesome.  I have some journal entries to prove it.  The difference now is that I've learned not to waste time on insecurity, which is something I didn't know how to do in high school.  Unfortunately, I haven't grown up quite enough to be able to hang onto that philosophy even when in similar situations as those that originally prompted such irrationality.

Non-sequitur, I miss your parents.  Like a lot.  Your family in general is really great and awesome. 

"although you are proof that such a divide does not inherently have to stand in the way of anything. Those lazy people."
Anti-laziness WINNN.  Hey, I'm capable of some grand things when properly motivated.  Like writing you somewhat faithfully for the better part of two years. 

More on coordination, I was texting and walked into yet another wall this week.  Chris was around to see it this time, though.  There were promptly many recreations. 

sleep

(June 4, 2012)
Bad things happen when I have vaguely unsettling dreams and my room roommate is gone.  Namely, I wake up a little freaked out and then cannot for the life of me sleep anymore.

But it does mean you get a letter. 

It's the last week of school, and I have no clue what's going to happen with my grades.
Serious.  A little distressed about that. 

As soon as school ends, I have to start studying for the GRE.  And going back to being healthy.  And working hours closer to full time than any I've previously had.

Oh, hahaha to you if you think I'm going to tell you my GPA.  It's not bad, fairly good, so they tell me, but it's still not quite close enough to perfect for me to be happy about telling you what it is :P

My life is good.  Have to say though, the dating is weird.  I keep going mildly back and forth on whether it's a good idea and I keep being surprised at the fact that I'm just so enormously comfortable having most of my time all to myself that that is what is the greatest adjustment for me. 

However, all else is good, so I'm trying to take time on this.
 

(no subject)

(May 28, 2012)
Gah.  It kills me that even though you won't go to bed for about another hour and a half, you won't get this for a whole week.  My own fault for being a massive slacker friend, but all the same...

Answers to the below:
My job actually is boring.  Possibly the worst I've ever had, on that front.  I'm hoping that it will get better when I can devote more time to it, as opposed to school and socializing, in a couple weeks, but....we shall see.  Whatever. Money.
 
Answers from your most recent letter:
Ha and I'm used to Provo being ghetto, but bedbugs are a new low.  You boys should perhaps be concerned.

Don't be rude about my inability to follow lines.  

My six-hour class actually isn't too bad.  And I only have FOUR of them left.  I don't know what will happen with my grades this semester....at all...Oh, dear.  But at least it's almost over. 

You seem to be under the impression that I have a thorough enough grounding in statistics/enjoy them enough to discuss them outside school, ever, to contradict you.  That's sweet.

In which I concede

(March 12, 2012)
ON to the comp drama, which was, as promised, thrillingly dramatic :) 
Here's the thing that I think people (including myself to a significant degree) occasionally forget: Dating. Is. Crappy.  It just kind of is, on a lot of fronts.  This is not to say it isn't glorious when it works out. It is the best example of something in which in an ideal world, you really are only supposed to succeed ONCE.  It's rough out there, full of rejection and losing at every point in the game.  You don't get what you want, or you get too much of what you want and are forced into nasty, unhappy decisions between great human beings.  It's hard for most people, to some degree or another, because it's never entirely within your control.  The best thing to be done with dating is to realize that you can learn and grow from what makes you unhappy, and that God has every intention that you do so.  

Thought I remembered upon reading this story:
My mission prep teacher made a healthy argument for dating people that you don't definitely see yourself marrying; in his words:
"I'm always intrigued by those who feel the need to pray about whether they should date someone.  For heaven's sake - unless they can't take you to the temple, there's really no reason not to just give it a go.  You need those relationships to make key, stupid mistakes.  And if you don't have relationships with expendables [haha a somewhat unfortunate usage he intended to mean "people you're NOT going to spend eternity with"] you're saving those mistakes for the unexpendables, the people you can't and shouldn't lose hold of.  Does that sound ideal? NO!"


Companion, right.  I'm sure you didn't actually intend for me to hop my Clydesdale in quite so significant a fashion when you sent me this, so my apologies.  I just have a lot of feelings, which I invariable decide MUST be shared. 

Also, people are dumb when they assume that losing one great person means they've lost them all.  The way this world teems with people dripping with hilarity, beauty, intelligence, wit, fun, and personability is nothing short of ridiculous.  You start looking for it and begin to get freaked out by just how many people are straight up incredible.  In my opinion.  Corollary: it's easy, but false to assume that being alone equates to being unhappy, because unless you live in solitary confinement, you are not alone.  People should never discount the happiness that is part and parcel with friendship, great hobbies, and generally just living your life contentedly.